Thirst

It's a strange morning around here.  My poor husband has been sick all night.  My girls for some reason are ALL sleeping in this morning which means right now it is 8:26 and I'm sitting here all alone.  With my Earl Grey tea.

These moments are rare.  Yesterday I was contemplating how my time with the Lord lately has gotten shuffled into the mix of life.  That's not completely a bad thing.  I love reading the Word with my babies on my lap.  I really love praying while washing the dishes and wiping messy faces.  However I know that at times I need to set aside time just for me to meet with my Savior. 

Yesterday I was reading in Psalm 63.  It begins, "O God, You are my God; I shall seek you earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

I began thinking, why don' I feel like I'm thirsting after God?  As my life gets set in cruise control and I'm rolling along, why don't I feel myself yearning for the Lord?

I reminded myself of my poor little water bottle sitting on the kitchen ledge.

It spends most of it's day there.  I refill it almost every morning, knowing that I need to drink at least three of them to consume a healthy intake of water.  But I am terrible about drinking water.  TERRIBLE!  I just don't feel thirsty.  Even of these hot days.  I don't feel thirsty.

As a result I get major head aches,  my skin is dry and cracking,  my energy is low.  It effects my body in more ways than I'll ever know.  I need water.  I will never be living life to the fullest until my body can function the way it is supposed to; quenched and refreshed.

Just because I don't feel a thirst for God, doesn't mean my soul isn't desperate for Him.  Just because I "feel fine" bouncing through life doesn't mean my spirit is parched.  All it means is that I've grown accustomed to going through life with a constant "head ache", with a dry and cracking spirit.  I've forgotten what it's like to be overflowing with the Spirit of God living in me.  To live each moment completely satisfied with His goodness and grace. 

Today I'm praying that the Lord will open my eyes.  That I will see how desperate I really am.  That I will thirst for Him.  Because He is the only one who truly satisfies!

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 8

Yesterday we talked about the importance of teaching your child to learn, how using the "whys" are a great opportunity and what not to teach your children.  Today we're going to talk about what things we should purpose to teach them!

The first thing that we purpose to teach our babies (yes, I said babies!) is that God made them.  And not only them but the world around them.  When our girls are very first learning to talk we ask them at every opportunity, "Who made you?". "Gaaaa!" they reply (meaning God!).  "Who made the stars?" while pointing at the stars. "Gaaaa!".  "Who made these flowers?".  "Gaaaa!".  "Who made your toes?".  "Gaaaa!". 

We want our children to see God's hand in everything around them.  Many children grow up feeling that God is separate from their own personal lives, then they have to work as they get older to believe that God truly cares about them and every detail that goes on in their lives.

 Children learn by repetition, so we must purpose to repeat over and over and over the things we want them to know without a doubt.  Tell them all the time how God loves them, how He made them with purpose, how He died for their sins.  Don't wait.  Teach them the truths about God before any other way of thinking settles in.

You would be surprised how early children are ready to start hiding scripture in their hearts.  In fact it is usually the littlest ones who pick up the new verses the quickest.  When we are consistently working on verses it is astounding to me how easily they can learn God's word.  Take advantage of this amazing opportunity to fill their little heads with scripture!  Nothing could be more valuable.  It is so helpful when it comes to training your children too.  "Why do we work diligently?  Remember how Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord"?  This is a "whatever you do" so we need to work at it with all of our heart!". 

Faithfully learning and reviewing scripture is so valuable, not only for the kids but for Mom too!  Take advantage of this time!



There are many ideas or thoughts that we want to be "normal" for our girls that are not normal in the world around them.  We want our girls to enjoy each other and be best friends. So we talk all the time about how much we love our sisters, how blessed we are to have friends built into our family, how much we miss each other when we are apart.  If we teach them that their sisters are annoying, they will believe their sisters are annoying.  If we teach them their sisters are a blessing, they will believe their sisters are a blessing.

Be careful what you are teaching.  Regardless of what our words say, our attitudes and actions say much, much more.  I feel like I'm telling my girls constantly to talk nicely to each other.  Yet over and over I'm catching them talking bossy and impatiently and in a voice that sounds a little- wait! Like mine. 

No matter what I tell my children, what I live out will be what they really learn.

So to sum up, teach, teach, teach!  But make sure it is the same thing you are living!

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 7

Because we love our children, one of the things we delight in is helping them learn! 

If you listen to the wisdom of home school moms who have gone before they will tell you, "Don't rush the academics!".  And that is really very good advice.  I'm just not a very good person to give it because I am always so impatient to start the academics. I probably start it way too soon! 

One thing I will say emphatically is, don't think of the academics as the only avenue of learning.  In fact, try and separate the two.  Academics are important.  Our children need sufficient academics to function easily in this world.  But learning transcends academics.  Academics will (and should!) be different for each child, but every child should learn to learn!

One of the first opportunities we have to help our children learn to learn is a phase almost every child goes through.  Ironically this phase is looked on with dread by most parents.  It is of course, the "Why? Phase".  Most of the time I see parents either giving in to the "whys" or working hard to shut them down as fast as possible.  I suggest neither indulging the "whys" not shutting them down.  I recommend harnessing them!

In our home we work at teaching our children to only ask good questions.  We also believe that the only "bad" question is one that you don't really want an answer to.  So as we go through the why phase we teach them that if they ask a question, they need to listen and learn from the answer.  If they are asking a question that they already know the answer to, we make them think about it and tell us the answer.  If they ask a question they just got an answer to, we address that they are just asking for the sake of asking and not to learn something.

When our girls ask good questions, it is our heart's desire to give them good answers.  My husband is amazing at this!  When I'm around him and the girls it reveals how lazy I get in taking the time to answer questions.  No question (or question asker!) is too small for him, and his explanations are easy to grasp and educational.  My girls learn so much by spending time with him.  I want to be the same way!

Now that our girls are getting a little older, the questions are getting harder and many times I find myself saying, "I have no idea!".  I usually try and add on there, "But we can find out!".  What I need to work on is taking the time to make sure we do find out about those hard questions!  If I can't tell her exactly why Pluto isn't a planet any more, then I might as well find out so she can learn!

Some questions take great wisdom in answering, even from the little ones.  Call me crazy but I still think honesty is the best policy though!  When I was pregnant and the girls asked me how the baby was going to come out, I purposed to give an honest, age appropriate, yet accurate explanation of what would happen.  I think sometimes we feel like we have to choose between lying to them or scarring them for life.  It's not that hard to speak the truth with discretion.

I am a BIG proponent of speaking the truth.  I used to baby sit a little girl who really thought she was a fairy that her daddy found under a flower petal.  She believed in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy and Jesus.  Someday she will be in for a rude awakening.  Will she "have faith" in Jesus when all the other things she "had faith" in were just pretend? 

Games are fun.  We love to pretend and play.  But it is very important to us that our girls know the difference always between what is real and what is pretend.  We see no place in our parenting to purposefully lie to our children.

So we've covered how to respond to their questions and what NOT to teach them.  Tomorrow we will talk about what to teach them!

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 6

Since it is Sunday and no one has time to sit and read a LONG blog post, I thought I would keep this section short.  Since I wrote about this not long ago it shouldn't take too long!

When shaping our children's foundation it is very important that we understand what it means to truly love our children and to teach them in a way that is truly loving.

Real love is choosing unselfishly for the other person's highest good.  Many parents feel guilty for not doing every little thing their children desire.  It is not loving to teach your child that the entire universe revolves around them.  Real love shows them how amazing they are as a precious creation of God's and leads them to see those around them as equally amazing and important.  Real love doesn't cater to their every whim. It learns their dreams, desires and preferences and seeks to bring them joy.

Do not allow the world's way of thinking make you feel guilty.  Shower your children with real love and raise them to be people who are not so self focused that they are unable to look for ways to love those around them.

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 5

If you haven't been following along, I've been briefly (or not so briefly!) covering what I'm going to be sharing at an upcoming conference.  You can catch up by scrolling down or clicking on these links~

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Yesterday I left off talking about how true obedience requires not only obedient actions but an obedient heart as well.  "How" to get the heart to be obedient is really a complicated question and I'm sure there are others who could give you a more complex answer.  For me, my advice would be, draw you child's heart as close to your own as you can.

Around here we talk about a concept called "heart strings".  I can't even remember where I first heard this word picture but I use this in my attitude toward all my girls and I try to help them understand this picture also.

Imagine between your heart and the heart of your child there are beautiful little strings tying them together.  The more strings there are, the stronger the bond is.  My desire is to maintain a close, loving and understanding relationship with all of my children through all of their years.  To some this feels like an impossible task.  I don't believe it is.  But I do know that it will take work.  I desire to tie more and more heart strings and to protect them with all of my might.

I tie heart strings by~

Listening eagerly to their stories and ideas
Celebrating their joys
Caring about their heart breaks (even the little ones)
Appreciating their best efforts
Encouraging when they feel sad
Surprising them with delights
Helping them see how amazing I think they are
Patiently teaching
Finding the time, no matter what

While it takes time and effort to tie as many heart strings as possible, I find it takes more effort to make sure that I am not cutting those heart strings.  The best relationships in the world can be quickly undone by unloving actions and behaviour.  As a mom with young children life can be hectic, and it is in daily life that our children are either drawn closer to us or driven away from us.

I cut through heart strings by~

Not listening to their ideas, their dreams, their aspirations
Being too busy
Talking at them instead of to them
Discouraging them when they are struggling
Being impatient

There is one thing that creeps into my life that I call the "chainsaw of heart strings".  It truly feels like I'm just slashing through those precious bonds.  That thing is, frustration.

I never imagined I would be a frustrated mom.  My own mom was one of the least angry mothers I've ever seen, so I never had that as an example.  When frustration sets in, its as if everything I know flies out the window.  The words I speak, my facial expression, my actions are consumed with anger and I find myself slashing through these precious heart strings and driving my darling girls farther and farther from myself. 

It is the easiest thing in the world to feel "out of control" during those times but let's face it, giving in to frustration and being out of control is about as contrary to the fruits of the Spirit as it comes.

Galatians 5:22-23~ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. 

Every single one of those is a contradiction to feeling angry and frustrated. 

When I'm feeling frustrated, the only thing I can choose to do is to surrender myself, my words, my actions, my emotions to the Lord.  I can do nothing in my own strength.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 

If you feel frustrated as a mother, please don't feel alone.  But please don't allow yourself to remain in a place that is dishonoring to the Lord.

As my children have grown older it has been wonderful to pass on the idea of heart strings to them.  Lydia has always been quite honest and forthright with me.  A few weeks back however, I caught her trying to deceive me about something.  Instead of only addressing the issue of dishonesty, I also reminded her that my desire is have our hearts be close, and that if I can't trust her, that chops away at our heart strings.  Because she has watched my desire to draw our hearts close, that greatly impacted her.  She did not want to do what is right only because "it was right" but because it impacted her relationship with me.

That is what we want our children to understand in their relationship with the Lord.  In fact that's what I want to understand in my relationship with the Lord!  We obey Him because we love Him.  I remember being impacted as a teen with the thought that God's laws reflect God's heart. So when we break His laws, we are breaking His heart.

If we want our children to have the heart for obedience, we must continue to draw their hearts towards us and towards the Lord!

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 4

Yesterday I talked about the importance of starting your children out with a strong foundation.  The pre-school years are the foundation laying years.  Every day we are setting them out on the wrong path or the right path.  I talked about how we believe obedience to be the starting place for training up children who will love the Lord with all of their heart.

When talking about obedience though, it is absolutely crucial to look at the full picture.  Around here we have a saying.  It says, "Obedience has two parts; The action and the heart."

We must teach our children to obey.  When my brother-in-law was a little boy he was walking down a path when his father yelled "Benjamin STOP!".  He stopped dead in his tracks as a rattle snake slithered across the path in front of him.  Sometimes we see in obvious ways how obedience actually saves us from death.  Even Proverbs talks about that.

Proverbs 23:13 and 14~  Do not withhold discipline from a child;  if you punish him with a rod, he will not die.  Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Actual physical obedience not only protects our children but it makes life with your child so much more joyful.  Over and over I am astounded at the contrast.  I have a friend who thinks I hold very unfair standards for my children, but when I watch how dismayed she is chasing down her little ones and how little relationship she has with them, nothing would entice me to trade the peace and close bond I share with my girls.

But outward obedience is really only half of the coin.  Without the heart for obedience we are setting up for failure.

As a mom of little children I can speak from experience when I say, we get tired!  Our days are busy, there is always something that needs done and we long for there to be peace in the home.  So when we ask our children to do something and they storm off, stomping their feet but in action "obeying" it is all too tempting to just let in lie!  If they are doing what I said then why not just leave it alone? 

Because in reality, if I am teaching my children that it is "okay" to obey like that, I am actually teaching them that it is okay to not obey at all.  It's a lie to think that obedience with a rebellious heart is any sort of obedience.  The heart must be right for it to be real obedience.

So how do we engage the heart?  I'll get to that tomorrow!

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 3

I hope it's not too confusing chopping it up like this!  If you need me to clarify something please speak up!

Yesterday I finished talking about the goal we are aiming towards.  To some this does not sound like a pre-school topic, so why am I worrying about all of this at this point in their lives?  Because the pre-school years are the foundation of your children's lives.

My husband builds houses, so if you doubt the importance of a good foundation, feel free to ask him about it.  Before you start building, you very VERY carefully build a solid foundation.  For your pre-schoolers, the foundation is being laid.  Right now.  Either a good one or a bad one. 

Many, many parents end up with a pile of regrets as their children get older and they realize the foundation they've laid is faulty.  Don't despair!  God is gracious to us all daily and there is always hope.  Instead of trying to continue to build on the shaky foundation, look at what the best way would be to tear it down and start again, no matter what age they are at.  It will be MUCH harder, but it can be done!

For those of you who still have young ones, take advantage of this opportunity to build a solid foundation for their young lives to build on.

If the end goal is to have children who love the Lord and love those around them with all they have, then what is the first step? 

We believe it is obedience.

Over and over in scripture it is commanded to children to obey their parents.  It's not a "good idea".  It is essential for raising children who will one day obey the Lord.

We all wonder when the "right time" to start training in obedience is.  We would say, as soon as possible.  Our mainstream experts say to wait until children are two years old and can understand what they are being taught.  My question is, do these experts have children?  Esther just turned one year old and it is abundantly clear that she has been able to understand many things for a long time!

If you wait until your child is two years old to start training in obedience, you have trained your child for two years that they do NOT have to obey!  You've already started an unstable foundation that has to be torn down and started again.

We start training our children in obedience around five or six months old.  Now I need to clarify for a moment what I mean by "train". 

When I was first parenting, to me training and disciplining meant the same thing. It didn't feel right to be disciplining my sweet little girl for naughty things she did when she didn't know any better. But at the same time I knew she needed to learn to do what was right. Learning the difference between training and disciplining changed everything.

I train my children to do or not do things that they do not know. I discipline my children when they do or do not do things that they do know.

Training for our girls almost always starts at the dinner table.  In our home Daddy holds the babies during meal time to give Mommy a break.  Around five or six (sometimes seven or eight) months old, Baby starts getting interested in the plate or bowl sitting right in front of them.  Now we have a choice.  Push the plate away, or start training.  We choose to start training.

 Instead of pushing the dinner plate away, we take the hand off of the plate and tell them "No.".  When they continue to grab at it we continue to tell them "No.", followed by a little flick to the hand.  It doesn't take long (if we are consistent!) before even a little baby understands that when Daddy and Mommy say no, they mean it.

In our house, crawling babies are not allowed in the kitchen.  It is dirty and dangerous.  When Esther first learned to crawl, we had to go through a training process for her to learn that she was not allowed in there.  Now she knows.  Now when she chooses to crawl in, she is disciplined.  There is not a shadow of a doubt that she understands what she is expected to do.  She has a very stubborn nature so of course she is going to test at any given moment.  I must respond correctly to these tests so that she continues to believe that obedience is not optional!

(I have to add,  all children are different.  Lydia and Bethany trained quite easily.  Havilah was the most stubborn and strong-willed little girl I have ever seen.  Some days I truly wanted throw in the towel and declare defeat.  But it worked. Slowly, slowly she learned to be obedient.  Today she is an absolute delight.  Ella had such an easy going personality that in some areas we were a little lax in her training.  Now we are playing catch up for not being as careful in her earlier years.  I call Esther "Havi 2" because she reminds us soooo much of Havilah!  We are bracing for a long ride, knowing that in the end it will bear much fruit!  Every child is different, but every child must learn to obey!)

I could go on and on and on about child training but for now I will simply say, be wise about who you listen to.  Seek advice!  Seek wisdom!  But choose it carefully.

When I was a young mom, one of the people who thought they had the best advice for me strongly disliked being a mom.  Her child was a terror.  Yet she thought she had all of the answers for me.  Be careful who you listen to, but always be ready to listen too.  As parents we always have areas we need to grow in and we must remain humble and ready to listen to advice.  But always, always take the given advice back to scripture and see if it lines up with God's heart.

I recommend Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.  Also Large Family Logistics has some great portions on raising children.

Taking Advantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 2

I left off yesterday talking about "aiming".  If our children are like arrows as Psalm 127 refers to them, we have to ask ourselves, what are we aiming for? If we don't have a clear picture of what our "target" is, we have an almost impossible chance of hitting it.

When we first had Lydia (our first born), we were given a parenting seminar on cd by Pastor Dee Duke.  He used an analogy in those that stuck with me.  He compared parenting to raising dogs.

Imagine you have a mutt.

He's kind of cute.  A little smelly, but you like him.  Your goals for your mutt aren't too complex.  You don't wanting him jumping up on your company, he needs to go to the bathroom outside, NO biting and preferably no chewing on your shoes.  If he is a really smart dog you may even teach him to sit and roll over. 

If you accomplish these things you achieved your goal.  Your mutt is trained.

But imagine now that you have a seeing eye dog.

Every thing he is taught, he is taught for a purpose.  He must obey everything he is taught or a human's life is at risk.  His training is not for convenience or for "cuteness".  This dog has a noble goal.  And his training reflects it. 

We have to know what we are training our children for so that we can do it well.  As I talked about in my last post, my husband and I believe with our whole heart that the most important thing we raise our children to do is to love the Lord their God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love their neighbor as themselves.  Every other goal we strive for has to fall under that.

Whenever we take any different goal, however good it may seem, and place it above raising our children to love the Lord, it falls short of where we should be aiming as parents.  If I want my girls to be masterful musicians for the purpose of being masterful musicians, that is pride.  If I want them to develop skills that they can use to glorify the Lord and to be a blessing to those they are a round, that is working towards our goal.  If  I want my children to get along with each other so that life is more convenient for me and looks good to the people around me, that is pride.  If I want them to learn to get along with each other to build their relationships with each other and to point other people to a loving God, that is working towards our goal. 

It is extremely important to think carefully about the choices we make for our children and to hold to high standards.  But when we allow those high standards to become the end goal, we are wasting our efforts.  Be careful in how you raise your children, so that God gets the glory and not us.

So what does this have to do with pre-school?  I'll get to that next time!

Taking Avantage of the Pre-School Years~ Part 1

In a week and a half, I am going to be sharing at our state home school conference.  My session is called "Taking Advantage of the Pre-school Years".  A couple of you have asked what I'm sharing so I thought I would just do a "blog version" here to help me get my thoughts in order.  That way if you come to the conference you wont feel like you have to come listen to me just because you know me!

Some of this is repeat of things I've already shared here, but hopefully it wont be too repetitive for you!

I love being a mom.  And I mean L-O-V-E, love being a mom!  But as a mom of pre-schoolers I find that I am one of the most pitied people on the planet.  Everywhere I go I get sympathetic stares.  People try and assure me that someday I will return to "the land of the living".  One person once stated that raising children was like being pecked to death by a chicken.  And I am not just talking about the main stream public.  These attitudes are just as common among believers.

So I had to ask myself why.  Why is raising children looked on with dread and disdain to those around me when I find such joy and peace and fulfillment? 

When I'm talking to other moms who differ on their view of raising children, I find that we almost always think very differently on two important points.  The first one is how we view children.

Society puts children in a tidy little box.  They are a great accessories to our well planned lives.  You get married.  You finish school.  You get a good job.  You buy a house.  You spend your "time together".  And then finally, you are ready to have a baby.  You are responsible enough to "handle it".  But children never seem to glide into your "perfect life" like you expect.  They change your lifestyle, your sleeping habits, your social calender.  All of the sudden you are stuck at home, smelling like spit up, sleep deprived, lonely.  Then they start growing and the messes get bigger, the noises get louder and you can't really remember why you thought this was such a good idea.  But you really want your "perfect family" so you have a couple more, hoping that somehow you will survive this mayhem.  Then you hear from someone like me, who actually enjoys my life with five crazy babies and you're certain that I'm either certifiably crazy, perfect or I'm lying to you.

I'm not crazy.  I'm NOT ANYWHERE close to perfect.  And I am not lying to you.

I happen to believe a little secret hidden deep in God's word that not many people really believe.  And by not many people I truly mean, not many people. 

Psalm 127:3~  Behold, children are a GIFT from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a REWARD.
(emphasis added)

"But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing!". I've heard that one lots.  When you think of a gift or a reward what is your first thought? "Oh, I better put a limit on that and make sure I don't end up with too much reward!".  Not me!  When I think of a gift or a reward I think, "I CAN'T WAIT!!!".

When we got married, my twenty year old husband had this crazy notion that we would be better off trusting that the Lord knew what was best for us better than we did and that He was able to provide for us better than we could for ourselves.  Don't worry.  We were told how crazy we were.  We know we look like fools.  We know we look irresponsible.  We also know peace.  The total and complete peace of resting in the Lord's hands rather than trying to hold everything together ourselves.  And we have not regretted it for an instant. 
However I've met many people who felt that they "should" have as many children as the Lord "allows" who have regretted it!  Whatever our beliefs on having children are, if we think of children as anything other than the most priceless treasures, treasures with eternal value, we will miss out.

If you are struggling as a parent, struggling to find joy or peace, I urge you to take a good hard look at how you really view children.  Do you really believe that they are a reward and a blessing from the Lord?  Or are you placing something else at higher value that your children are "inconveniencing"?

The second point I find often differing is the view on what goals we are aiming at for our children. 

In that same chapter of Psalms, the writer refers to children as arrows.  I like that word picture because arrows are made to go somewhere.  Where they go depends on where the archer sends them.

The truth is, we are all aiming our children towards some sort of target, whether we realize it or not.  The choices we are making now are laying the path for where our children will end up.  The most common goals parents have for their children is that they end up "happy" and "successful".  Why is it we can't look around us and see how the world's recipe for "success" does not end up with "happy" people?  And even should that goal be attainable, is that really the goal we should be aiming for?

In Mark, one of the teachers of the law asked Jesus what the most important of all the commandments was.  He wanted to know where to aim his life.  When seeking an answer as to where I should aim my children, I want to ask Jesus too.  So I go to Him and see what His answer was. 

Mark 12:29-31~ Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'Hear O Israel!  The Lord our God is one Lord;  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself'.  There is no commandment greater than these."

There is no commandment greater than these.  When we look at where we want to aim our children, that is it.

I'll pick up here tomorrow Lord willing!

My Cure-All

On our website we sell a product called All Better Butter.   We use it ALL of the time.  Diaper rash, bee sting, itchy skin, sun burn, chainsaw wound (seriously!), it all gets the All Better Butter around here.  And the stuff works!!!  It is our skin's "cure-all".

I  have a personal cure-all.  I know I've talked about it many times before here, and rest assured I will many times more because when I applied this powerful principle to my life, things changed. 

My cure-all is called.............  Thankfulness.

My friend who just became a new mom wrote on facebook recently something along the lines of,  "How to I be an adoring wife, a loving mother, a thrifty spender, a immaculate housekeeper and everything else ALL at the same time???".  My reply?  You guessed it!  Thankfulness.

Obviously, we can not do "it all" all of the time.  In fact, it is vitally important to remember that really we can't do anything without the Lord.  Think about it.  If I can do nothing to ensure that my heart keeps beating, what makes me think that I could ever be in control of the "having it all together" in my life?

So the answer to my friend's question really is, you can't "do it all".  But the best tip I can give in making sure you are doing your best in life is,  Be Thankful.

When I am thankful for my amazing husband and all that he does every day, not only to provide for me and keep me safe, but also to show me love and to live in a way that allows me to trust him completely, it motivates me to honor him in the way I speak to him and about him, to dress and care for myself in a way that pleases him and to look for new and fun ways to show him how blessed I am to be his wife.  Thankfulness makes me a better wife.

When I'm thankful for my beautiful children, for their priceless smiles, their sticky kisses, the unmeasurable joy they bring to our home, it motivates me to take the time for the extra snuggles, the words of encouragement, the patience during the hard times, the effort to really solve their problems and not just pacify them.  Thankfulness makes me a better mommy.

When I am thankful for the home I live in, the ample space we have, all the things that make our lives so comfortable, it motivates me to take better care of our possessions and to keep my home in a way that is honoring to the Lord, my family and to everyone who comes to my home.  Thankfulness makes me a better keeper of my home.

Thankfulness helps me to make better meals, to shop smarter, to encourage others, to work harder in my garden, to smile more, to exercise regularly and so much more without any of it feeling like a burden.  It makes me excited about life and all that it brings with it. 

Thankfulness is my cure-all for life.  And I am always in need of it.  Try some today and see how it can motivate you to serve the Lord, not from duty but from praise!

Freedom

       Our family has attended the same church our entire married lives.  David has gone there since he moved to the area when he was three.  My family attended there before I was born, until my dad started a small church in our home town, then when that church closed we went back to our home church.  The body of believers there truly are family and we are tremendously blessed to be able to worship together with them.  Both of our families attend there, as well as my grandparents which makes four generations often in one pew.

I could go on forever about things I love about our church, like how the beautiful women who used to babysit me and even my dad now get to hold and be a part of my children's lives, but the thing that I am most thankful for these days is the heart of our pastor and his commitment to preach the word of God. 

He has been teaching through Galatians these last few weeks and it has been challenging me daily as I think over what he has been drawing out.  Mostly, the whole concept of  freedom.

Over and over we have been encouraged to watch out for the two enemies of freedom.  Legalism and Lawlessness.

Galatians 5:1~  It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:13b~ only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

I think these hit home especially hard for me as I can see them both regularly creeping up in my life.  Legalism is a direct affront to the grace of God.  Galatians 2:21~....if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died needlessly".  There is absolutely nothing we can do to make ourselves righteous before the Holy God.  Any attempt to do so makes us guilty of attempting to water down the all sufficient sacrifice of Christ.  How I dress, speak, eat, live does not make me any more worthy of salvation then anyone else. 

But then we swing to lawlessness.  We see it all the time.  We see it because we DO it!  Because I am free in Christ, does that mean I can do anything I want?  Listen to whatever music I choose, watch that tv show I know promotes sinfulness, dress in whatever fashion I choose?  I guess that depends on your view of freedom.

Galatians 2:20~ I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

The truth is, there is no "free zone".  Anytime we choose to live how "we want to live" because "we're free to do whatever we want", we choose to be slaves to sin.  When I choose to live for Christ, my choices reflect my love for Him.  I choose to dress, speak and live in a certain way, not because I'm bound by law, but because I'm in love with my Savior and I can't bear breaking His heart.  How I wish that was true of me every moment of every day!

Obviously these play a role in our big, life changing decisions, but how do we allow them to shape our every day lives?  First of all, it looks VERY different for different people.  It shows up in little areas we not have even considered.  I found that the main reason I was holding onto not getting my ears pierced was some warped sense of legalism and pride, something I wanted no part of.    Focus on looking at your own life. 

Please encourage me as you can to not run in either incorrect direction, but to joyfully rest in the grace of God and to live a life of love.  I'll try and encourage the same in you!

More on Love (Part 3)

There is a common weakness I've witnessed among families who strive for high standards (of which I hope I am one).  It glares out quite often and sometimes clouds out all the "good choices" with it putrid stench.  I've seen it in myself.  I've seen it in my children.  I've seen it in those around me.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  It's that ugly, ugly thing called PRIDE.

We somehow forget that every blessing we receive, including the ability to make wise choices, is ALL only Gods grace.  It amazes me how easy it is to feel "better" than someone else when I should be on my face in view of my unworthiness. 

 Pride is in direct opposition to love.  While pride is completely inward focused, love looks out to others and places their highest good above our own desires.  As I raise my girls, this is one of the most critical things I want them to grasp.  And while they will have to deal with their own prideful hearts before the Lord, I play a great part in how I teach them to think.

Every day we are presented with questions by our children.  "Mommy, why didn't he get a spanking?", "Mommy, why don't we go to school like our neighbor does?", Mommy, why do they believe in Santa Clause?", "Mommy, why does she have a baby if she's not married?".  And then we have the choice.  The choice to instill a spirit of love or a spirit of pride.

Make sure that these conversations are not led to push our own agendas.  Every one of these conversations provide a precious opportunity to teach some truth about God.  For example, pride says, " Well, Honey, public school is a bad place and we would never choose to send you there because we love you.  Some parents just don't care about their children.  Kids who go to public school act very badly and so we don't want you to be around them." (I've heard this conversation before.)  Love says, "As parents we want to make the best choice for you that we can.  God has given us the responsibility to be YOUR parents and we believe He wants us to be responsible for your training.  The public schools have rules that don't honor God so we need to be sure that we are very loving to our neighbor so that she can see Jesus in us."  This conversation is obviously miles longer, but the focus needs to be on God's heart, not our own righteousness.

As we train our young children to serve the Lord, one obvious thing we need to train them in is service. Beware, BEWARE, BEWARE of raising "spotlight servants".  Those who are eager and ravenous to serve when in return they will receive praise and admiration, but when the glory has disappeared, so have they. 

Cultivate love.  Cheesy as it may sound, love really is the answer!  It's what Jesus commanded us with utmost importance.  Love Him.  Love others.  The ugly head of pride is squashed when love takes over.  Be very vigilant, and pray for my vigilance as we seek to build a heart of love in our children. 

More on Love (Part 2)

This is more of a "Let's Do It!" post!  As a mom, I know that I feel love for my children and I show them love everyday in all the time I spend cooking, cleaning up after them, wiping their noses etc..  I'm pretty good at saying "I love you" all the time.  Oh, and kissing.  My children are kissed.  Much. But other than that, it is easy to become very complacent in truly expressing love to my children in ways that convinces them beyond a shadow of a doubt that they truly are LOVED!!!

One great place for starting out is to try and pin point different areas that really communicate love to each of your children.  I'm sure most of you have heard of "The Five Love Languages" by now, but if not, check it out.  It was a really mind opening thing to me to see how differently we all feel loved.  Here is a handy little test you can try on your kids.  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/children/

Here's an example~  I can hug and kiss Lydia all day long, but when I write her a note of encouragement, she comes ALIVE.  You just watch her face light up.  With Bethany, you can tell her how wonderful she is until you're blue in the face, but take the time to actually DO something with her and her whole world changes. 

Make sure you take the time to get to know your children and how they best receive love.  It's not always super straight forward, and sometimes it feels like it's changing daily.  But when you hit it on the head it feels so good that your love is being communicated effectively!

There are sooooo many ways to express love to our children!  A new thing in our home has come with Lydia and Bethany learning how to read.  They now have their own "mailboxes" (empty desk drawers)  where we can all leave notes of encouragement for them.  They LOVE this!  Find special ways to spend time with them.  Come up with little presents (which also provide great lessons in thankfulness).  Play the "Who loves _____?" where everyone claps wildly for the named person.  Make a point to express love daily, through simple or extravagant means.

This morning I tried a little experiment with my older girls just to get to know them better.  We all sat at the table with paper and I gave them different scenarios like, "My favorite part of the day is...",  "When Mommy is angry I...",  Mommy makes me feel loved when..." and things like that.  It was precious and sobering to see their answers. 

Our children are little people, on the road to being young adults.  We are the only mothers they have (That's thought that still makes me shiver!) and that is such a influential and irreplaceable role!  What a privilege.  So let's do it!  Let's take the time to show them our love. 

More on Love (Part 1)

So, after posting about love last Thursday, it has really, REALLY been on my heart.  As I've been digesting all these thoughts, I thought I would share here some of the different areas the Lord has been challenging me in loving my children.

I think our culture has such a skewed view of what it really means to love our children.  I was privy to a conversation not long ago that wasn't too different from this. 

Person #1, "I just can't figure out how to love my children and not go completely insane.  Sometimes I just have to shut them out to be able to do anything for myself!"  Person #2, " I know what you mean.  I can't read a book, be on the computer or even make a phone call without my child constantly needing me.  Bedtime is outrages!  She needs me to sing, dance, and practically stand on my head for her to lay still.  And then she needs water, the bathroom and another song and dance!".  " Yeah,  I want to love my kids, but then I end up going crazy!  I have no life any more.  Whenever I do what I want to do, I feel like such a monster mom."  "I feel so bad for saying 'I can't wait until she's grown' but I can't wait until she's grown!  I can't figure out how to love her and still love myself."

Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad.  Our erroneous view of what it means to love our children leads to such a messed up life!  I think the first thing we have to give incredibly careful thought to is what does it truly mean to love our children. 

My favorite definition of love is, unselfishly choosing for someone else's highest good.  Is it the highest good for my daughter to think that her selfish desires need to be met before anything else?  Is it for her highest good to teach her that her happiness is the most important thing?  Is it for her highest good to raise her in an atmosphere that totally ill-equips her for looking outside of herself and seeking what the Lord wants for her.  I whole-heartedly say no.

Now don't get me wrong.  It is also NOT loving to be a selfish parent, who puts our own desires and whims ahead all others.  It is so easy to slip into the mindset of pushing our children aside as we pursue our own interests and desires.  And I'm not talking about putting them in full time day care so I can become a ballerina,  I'm talking about snapping at them for interrupting me while exercising, or for ignoring their "exciting news" because I want to read my book. 

Be very careful of both extremes.  Children can't think that they are the center of the universe.  They also can't think that Mommy's book, bath, movie, phone call, ice cream, blogging time, dishes are more important than they are.  The answer?  They must be taught.

They must be taught that the things that other people do have importance. That at times they must exercise patience, or respond correctly to an answer they don't agree with.  That is rude to interrupt unnecessarily.  ( Come up with a polite way for them to get your attention discretely without causing a huge interruption).

They must also be taught that Mommy loves them unconditionally.  That she delights in their joys and mourns over their sorrows.  That they are precious to her, because she speaks to them and treats them in a way that shows that they are precious. 

Think very carefully about the "love" that you are showing to your children.  When true love that honors the Lord is prevalent in the home, it is a beautiful thing.  When our selfish love, or our children's selfishness becomes the driving spirit, we end up in disaster.  This is one of those areas that we need to carefully keep watch over, and pray for the Lord's wisdom and mercy!  Let's keep careful watch over our homes!

A Precious Gift

I don't know about you, but I LOVE giving gifts!  Call it a "love language", call me crazy, call me what ever you want. I just love it!  This time of year makes me so excited as I think and plan about what gifts I'm going to be able to give to the incredibly special people in my life.  I especially love giving gifts to my husband, probably because I'm so in love with the man that any way I can find to shower my love on him I find so exciting.  Make sense?  My love =  desire to shower with joy.  Now the trick can be finding that gift that is just right! 

This got me to thinking though.  Thinking about our beautiful Lord, and how His ways are not our ways.  Don't get me wrong. We know that He delights in delighting us!  We experience it all the time.  His abundant blessings continue to daily blow me away.  He loves to fill us with joy and overwhelm us at His goodness.

But God is a little bigger than our very small perspective.  He sees and knows that our earthly happiness is not the end goal.  He sees the reality of the eternal perspective, something we fail to see, no matter how hard we try to grasp it.  In His infinite love and wisdom He knows exactly what we need, to shape us, refine us and teach us, that we might truly know the unending joy of knowing Him more.

At church yesterday, Pastor lovingly reminded us of the gift of hardship that the Lord so graciously bestows on us at times.  As I've pondered this it has brought to mind a dear friend who I've met on MOMYS.  Her name is Susanna.  The Lord saw fit to bless this woman with a precious gift.  A priceless gift.  He also blessed her with an amazing amount of faith and humbleness to realize what a precious gift it is.  On top of that, He blessed her with an amazing amount of gentleness and boldness so that she is able to speak unafraid of His goodness and His faithfulness. 

You see Susanna's beautiful little girl, her tenth child, was born with downs syndrome and a serious heart defect.  Not what most in the world would consider a very loving gift from the Lord.  Oh how the Lord has used Susanna though, to open my eyes.  She shared a link this past week to a blog from another precious mother who had interviewed several mothers and I had to share it with you.  Please take the time to read through it.  It doesn't take long, and I guarantee your heart will be touched! 

A Perfect Lily

If your anything like me now, wipe away your tears and consider, just consider, the goodness and greatness of our God.  Our God who could easily give us anything we want.  Anything that pleases us.  But in light of the amazing plans He has for us, at times chooses to bless us ways we don't understand.  Because He is good and we are not.  And because we cannot even comprehend what a beautiful and priceless work He desires to do in our lives. 

( To keep up with Susanna and Verity, follow her blog at The Blessing of Verity  ) 

Labels

I'm really not a fan.  Not the kind that tells us what sort of ingredients make up the cookie I'm about to put into my mouth, but the kind that we put on each other and assume that they tell us the ingredients that make up the people.  I've always had a bit of an aversion to being labeled.  Remember my fear of being an herby "earthy" girl?  It amazes me to watch Christians drawing sides over labels such as "Quiverfull vs. Birth Control", "Patriarchy vs. Independent Women", "Courtship vs. Dating" etc..  Do I have strong beliefs about such issues. You better believe it!!!  Do I believe pasting a label on me is an accurate way of  explaining to you what it is that I truly believe? Absolutely not. 

I believe what I believe about having children , because of what I believe about God.  I believe "the husband is the head of the wife" because that's what God says.  I believe relationships are blessed when they are placed into God's hands because He is faithful, and I've experienced it first hand.  I don't think any "group", or "way of thinking" can accurately define what I believe other than the Word of God. 

Let's be a little more cautious of getting swept up into a "group" and at the same time, be cautious of being offended by one.  Let's seek God's heart for the way we live, think, believe and train our children.  I'm so blessed by those of you who take the time to really hear out what I believe and who are willing to share what you believe as well. 

Gardening in life

While I wait for my tincture to finish so that I can blog about that, I thought I would share what else I've been thinking about these days.

These have been busy garden days!  My spinach and peas have already come and gone.  The lettuce is tall and beautiful.  The green beans are daily being stored away in the freezer.  I harvested my first cabbage two days ago (it was huge and beautiful! I couldn't believe it!).  Oh, and the zucchini has started.  We have fourteen hills of squash this year.  If you didn't laugh out loud at that statement, you've never planted squash before.  Trust me, it was an accident!  My seeds got left out in the rain so it was either plant 'em or toss 'em!  Anyone need zucchini?  Come on by!

Gardening makes me think of life in so many ways.  When my husband built the high and strong fence to keep the deer out it made me think of the ways we need to protect our children from dangerous outside influences that will attempt to trample and chew up the good that we are seeking to develop in their young hearts.  As we cultivated, nourished and tilled the soil it made me think about all the truths and godly disciplines we need to be cultivating in our own lives to make ourselves ready for what the Lord wants to be doing in us.  As we carefully planted the seeds the verse from Galatians kept running through my mind. Galatians 6:7~ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  The whole concept of planting a bean seed and expecting a bean plant.  Planting good things in our lives and expecting a good return.  And of course vice versa.  Weeding is such an obvious one.  Constantly removing the subtle evils that are constantly creeping into our lives and threatening to choke our life. 

A new concept struck me this week.  It had to do with my very least favorite part of gardening.  Thinning.

It always feels so tragic to me.  Pulling up these perfectly good vegetables that have all the potential in the world to grow big, strong and healthy.  But if they were all left, they would be so crowded that they would never have the ability to grow any bigger than a pencil.  So the necessary evil must occur;  some are pulled out to make way for some to grow strong and healthy and actually produce something worth having.

This thought really struck me now as this is exactly were we are in life.  There is lots of "good" going on right now.  We are busy with many different people doing many different things.  Much potential.  But it's beginning to be at the expense of some truly important things (such as enjoying our daughter's childhood years) being choked out. 

This is really hard!  In some regards it feels like "weeding", but it is completely different.  We're not talking about throwing out the bad, we're talking about uprooting some of the "good"!  It just feels unnatural and wrong.  But just as we know that you can't grow so many carrots so squished together so they can't grow, we know that too much good isn't really doing any good at all. 

Please pray for wisdom for us as we seek the Lord for direction in how to properly "thin" our lives, and to carefully nourish the places that we know that He is calling us to.

My secret weapon!

When we got married I thought that (of course!) life would be easy.  I was marrying my best friend.  Not only were we madly in love with each other, but we had a pretty good understanding of what real love was about.  We knew everything about each other (sarcasm added!).  And I was excited to submit.  It was going to be great!

Fast forward three weeks and a new unwelcome feeling entered our home.  I was hurt.  Often.  Mostly I felt unimportant to my husband.  Every time he chose to go hang out with the guys, work late, or just wanted us to do something other than just stay home, I felt hurt.  Unloved.  Like I wasn't interesting enough for him.  At that point I was perfectly happy to spend all of my days curled up in his arms (okay, so maybe I still am!) and the thought that sometimes that was "boring" for him hurt me.

I still wanted to be the best wife ever.  After all, I had been ingrained with the philosophy of "You don't have to act the way you feel".  A very sound and important way of thinking!  However, there seems to be only so long you can go on acting one way when you feel very differently.  Shallow?  Yes. True?  I found it to be.  When your heart feels like crying, there is only so long you can go on smiling.  And the ugliness began to pour out.  There were all the classics.  The deep sigh.  The pursed lips.  The sullen face.  While my lips might have said, "Sure Babe, go ahead.  Have fun."  my whole body was shouting "Go if you dare!". 

"I can't change the way I feel." was my mantra.  He hurt me.  I felt hurt.  I did my "best" not to act hurt, but there's only so much a body can do.  These were not fun days.  The poor husband was trying his best to balance loving his wife (who at times was and is a little difficult to understand) and living a life that is responsible.  The wife in the meantime was taking every questionable action and turning it into "He doesn't care about me. I'm hurt.".

Then one day I heard a thought that literally transformed our relationship!  Many of you will laugh at the simplicity of this, but to this day it is the greatest tool that the Lord uses to shape my attitude as a wife.  You CAN change the way you feel!

What?!?  I don't believe it!  Hadn't I spent countless hours willing myself to feel differently?  It doesn't work! When I was sad it didn't matter how much I said "Be happy.  Be happy.  Be happy." I still was sad.  But here was the secret;  While it may be impossible  very difficult to change the way you feel, our thoughts determine the way we feel.  Don't believe it?  I didn't either.  So I had to test it out.

The Lord graciously provided the perfect opportunity that very night!  David called that afternoon telling me what time he would be home for dinner, 6:00, adding that first he was going to stop by a friend's house to install his new truck radio.  I was determined to think correctly. "I have a wonderful husband. He works so hard for me every day. He actually called to tell me when he would be home! Wow do I love him!". I set about preparing a wonderful dinner to welcome him home with, feeling quite great.

Time passed.  6:00.  Dinner was hot.  Table was set.  I was ready!  No husband.  6:30.  The thoughts started bickering.  "He's late. He doesn't care enough to pay attention to the time. Something must have come up that was outside of his control.". 

7:30.  Dinner was cold.  The thoughts were arguing by this time.  "Why would he even bother to say he's coming home at a certain time if he's just going to ruin my plans?  I'm sure that he is as upset as I am that he's not home.  He could change his circumstances if he really wanted to, he is a grown man after all.  I'm so thankful to have a man who is faithful and reliable in all that he does, not only to me but to others."

8:30.  Dinner was in the refrigerator.  The thoughts were in an all out brawl! "This is just like him!  This is why I always feel like this.  He really doesn't care!  Everything else is more important than I am!  He probably hasn't even considered how I feel.  I don't mean anything to him!  My husband is a good man.  My husband shows me that he loves me in many different ways.  My husband cares for me diligently.  I would rather be married to my husband than anyone else in the world."

9:00.  He calls.  "Hi Babe. I'm so sorry that I'm not home. I can't believe this radio installation is taking so long.  I really miss you and can't wait to get home.  I love you so much!".  By the grace of God I was able to say with my whole heart, "That's okay!  I'll heat dinner up whenever you get back.  I hope that the radio works out for you and I can't wait to see you!". 

I knew this was the moment for me to decide.  What am I going to choose to think?  I decided to plunge in with both feet.  Circumstances aside, I decided to go for the truth. "I am married to an amazing man of God.  It is such a privilege to be his wife.  I am so blessed to make his dinner, clean his home, give him a kiss and a smile.  This is exactly where I've always wanted to be.  I know that he loves me.  Even if me doesn't completely understand me, he tries his best to honor me at all times.  He is the hardest working man I know.  I respect him more than any man I know.  He is the most handsome man alive!"

These were the thoughts that kept me company that night, and as 11:00 rolled around and my husband finally pulled in the driveway, I was ecstatic to see him, kiss him and serve him his reheated dinner.  We had a fabulous time together.  My heart was filled with love for this man who was five hours late.  Believe me, it felt so much better than the hurt, loneliness and self-pity that I usually felt.  Circumstances hadn't changed at all.  But everything was different!

2 Corinthians 10:5 ~  "We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

The Bible tells us that this is one of out greatest weapons with which we can demolish strongholds!  Taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. 

I'm telling you now, this really and truly is the key that frees my heart from being consumed with my rights, my feelings and my disappointments.  And let me stress, this is only by the grace of God.  Why am I writing about this now?  Because I could use the reminder!  I can use this reminder every day.  And this applies to so many areas of life for me.  Whenever I feel unappreciated, annoyed, or hurt, I can almost always trace it back to my thought life and what I choose to dwell on.  I fail.  Embarrassingly often!  But when I fail, I know what to do!

Remember to seek the truth my sisters!  Remember to be thankful in all circumstances! And please remember to remind me as often as you can!