Thursday, December 17, 2009

A glimpse into my heart

I've prayed for quite a few weeks about if I should write this post or not. To be honest, I'm a little nervous. I pray that you will be gracious to me as I attempt to share my heart and that you will take this as what it is, merely "This is where the Lord has led us" not, " This is what I think you should do."

35 days until our little one arrives. I am so thrilled! For those of you who don't want to do the math this will make four children in 56 months (a little over four and a half years). The comments are already starting (okay they started a couple of children ago!) and I don't see them slowing any time soon. I'm honestly very tired of giving wishy-washy answers as to what our "plan" is, so here I go to try and give you all the complete version. I don't attempt this very often so count yourself fortunate!

To start out with, you need to know a little of what I believe. I believe in a God who is All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Always Present, Incomprehensible, Eternal, Faithful, Good, Just, Merciful, Gracious, Loving, Holy and Sovereign. I believe that He created everything, that He knew me and all His plans for my life before I was ever born. I believe that He has complete control over nature, that He healed incurable diseases, that He raised the dead to life and that He Himself defeated death.

I also believe that the Bible is the written word of God and that it reveals to us who He is. That it is true, and that we can believe what it tells us all of the time.

So anyway, that's where I'm coming from. I jotted down a few scriptures that help form the way that I think. If you want the references, please let me know and I would be happy to give them to you. These are scattered from throughout the Bible and hopefully I won't lose you! ( Italics are mine!)

"I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her...", "for the Lord had closed up every womb in Abimelech's household...", "The Lord did for for Sarah what He promised . Sarah became pregnant.", "The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.", "...He opened her womb...", " Am I in the place of God who has kept you from having children?", " God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant...", " He listened to her and opened her womb.", "The Lord enabled her to conceive...", "The Lord had closed her womb.", "The Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived.", " May the Lord give you children...", "And the Lord was gracious to Hannah; She conceived.".

And here were the mothers responses,
"God has granted me another child...", "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.", " The Lord has done this for me.", " It is because the Lord has seen my misery.", "Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, He gave me this one.", " God has vindicated me,", "God has taken away my disgrace.", "God has rewarded me,", "God has presented me with a precious gift.".

Many people ( and I'm one of them!) say that they want the Lord to direct their lives. Where they live, work, minister. They want to trust the Lord and what He has planned for them because face it, we know that His plans are better than our plans. We want that in all areas of our life. It's not always easy, but that is our desire.

So here it is for you all to see; We have decided that we would rather have Him plan how many children we should have and when they should come rather than do it ourselves, very simply because we truly believe that He can do a much better job of it than we can. We don't believe that babies are just something that happen if not protected against. Like all of the above mentioned women and situations, we believe that God chooses and is in complete control over every womb that is opened or closed. We've heard the arguments and all of the reasons why we are very foolish, but thus far we are not convinced. We are witnesses every day of the awesome plans of God. Nothing in the world could convince me that I could have planned my family any better than what He has given me.

"Easy for you to say. You have three sweet little girls. Wait until you have six, eight or ten. Or even (heaven forbid!) BOYS!". Let me just say this now, if ever you hear that we have changed our minds, I hope that you will demand a pretty good explanation from us. Not to say that the Lord will never lead us another way, but that's exactly what it would have to be. It cracks me up when people ask, "So you plan on having like 20 kids?!". My answer is no. I plan on having three little girls today, with a precious new little one coming in 5 weeks. I'm completely excited about what the Lord has planned for our future and only feel anxious when I focus on my strength and abilities and not His. But how could I hope to get through any portion of this life with just my strength?

Thank you for those of you who made it all the way through this novel! Again, this was written in no way to try and convince you of anything and especially not to make you feel guilty, but hopefully just to clearly communicate where the Lord has lead us. Please pray for us as we continue to seek His wisdom and to honor Him in all that we say and do. Blessings to you all!


~Ashley~ said...

Ahhhh! How closely your hearts mirror ours! I wish we lived closer to each other!

My personal struggle is with those that love, adore, spoil, and enjoy our children .... but think we are so FOOLISH to have more. I struggle so much to wrap my mind around that! It is so hard for me to hear the comments, and then when the baby is born, forget it all and see these people opening up their hearts like they never said anything negative.

But that is the way it is very often with friends and family we know. :(

As far as boys go ... my two boys bring such joy into my life! I was nervous about having a girl, but found it has been a delight!

My children humble me and stretch me and as you said - I was out of my league a long, long time ago. I can't "handle" one child on my own - it might just be easier to pretend I could!

God bless,
Ashley from MOMYS

Jennifer said...


Amy Raymond said...

Hi Grace! Just wanted to tell you that I love this post! It's heartfelt and beautifully written, very touching. Congratulations on your upcoming addition! God bless!

Terri White said...

Grace, that is beautifully put!! I also am soon to welcome my 4th in 5.5 years of marriage and while some days are a struggle, we couldn't be more blessed. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Terri from MOMYS.

Anonymous said...

Well said! You put a lot of thought into your post and it shows. God is amazing :)

Kristi said...

Beautifully written, Grace!!!

~~Kristi from MOMYS

RachelD said...

Beautiful, encouraging thoughts. Thank you!

Angela in MT said...

Well said!

...they call me mommy... said...

"I'm completely excited about what the Lord has planned for our future and only feel anxious when I focus on my strength and abilities and not His."

I really loved this quote! Thanks for sharing your heart! :)

Amy (came over via MOMYS)

Aly sun said...

In our culture, a perfect family has 2 children. Any more than that and people really start throwing the negative comments. I was blown away when I announced that I was pregnant with #3. People were really not excited, like I was asking THEM to add more responsibility to their lives. "Wow, your hands are going to be full." Yes, and our lives will be even more blessed too!

Tanya said...

Beautifully written. Best wishes for a quick easy delivery of your new little blessing! :)

Ginger said...

Very well said. Love the sweet pics of you and hubby too!

Gwendolyn said...

Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. What an example of faith and trust in God's plans you are for your children. I hope your last few weeks of pregnancy go well!

--Gwendolyn from MOMYS

Lilyofthevalley - Tanya said...

Well said and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your heart. Babies are indeed precious gifts from above. :)

Lilyofthevalley on MOMYS

marymo5 said...

wonderfully said, God Bless you
Mary from MOMYS

Debbie said...

Very well written. Our hearts are so very similar!
Thanks for sharing.
His Peace,

Abigail said...

Hi Grace!

This is Abigail (rosieinar on MOMYS), and I just wanted to let you that your post was very good, and this is what we are doing, too. That is why we have been married for 23 weeks and I am 23 weeks pregnant. We love it, wouldn't have it any other way. I know there will be trials, but God's grace is sufficient! You have been such an encouragement to me!


Abigail Otwell

Charlene said...

Thank you for sharing this on here. Right now I just have to remember that HE is the one who "enables her to conceive" and I will wait patiently (at least I'll try with the patient part).
I'm so excited for this new little one that will be here soon!

Anonymous said...

Grace! This made my heart smile:)
I look forward to this new little one with all my heart.
I love you a ton!!!

~Your sister, Rachel~

Bethany Butler's Family said...

Thank you for that, Grace!

KD said...

Grace--it is such a joy to be your mother. This was a great post. It was bold, yet sensitive. I pray that it encourages many other young women. I absolutely love being grandma to your sweet little ones. Can't wait to see the Lord's future plans. What an incredible thing to be able to trust Him!!
I love you. Love, Mom

Mary Cunningham said...

Wow Grace:) This mirrors our chat the other day at your place! I am so blessed by your love for the LORD & willingness to trust His unfailing Word! You are Such an incredible example. You will never know exactly how God used this article, even! :)

Kristi said...

I love this post! Just reading through some of your older posts...this is how we feel, although it wasn't always easy. It's easier to be swayed by the way of the world but I am thankful that God is so clearly leading us to trust in Him. We have had our last 4 in 4.5 years as well. Life is busy, but wonderful. I wouldn't want it any other way and I am so thankful for God's blessings in my life. God bless!

Staci said...

Grace it is so awesome to know another mother, and I know there are many more in our area, who are willing to open their hearts and wombs to the creator's will.

The neatest thing that God has laid on my heart about this is that He is raising up his army, but not by fear or strife, he is raising His army by love. Through love God is multiplying his army and beautifying it for His purpose. What an awesome God we serve!

Anonymous said...

It is true that God is sovereign and He decides how many children He would give us.
But to rely only on His sovereignty is a mistake becauase God works His sovereignty and human responsibility together.

So maybe a way to join the 2 together would it be to restrain form sexual relations until God reveals to you how many children are in His plan for your family?