Monday, September 3, 2012
The Real Me
Hello blogging friends! I have truly missed you all. It has been quite a summer. My natural inclination is to say that I've been "too busy" to blog, or that blogging got "put on the back burner".
Next I would probably claim that I was "too lazy" about blogging. Since self-discipline is one of my greatest foes it's easy for me to blame that. But that's not even the truth. There has been one underlying culprit that has kept me away from my blog and my facebook.
Time to be real and honest here. I'm just a real, little person here. Sitting at her dusty computer with the sticky keyboard. My big girls are eating granola at the bits of table that are not covered in pears, making up jokes one minute, squabbling with each other the next. Esther is in her high chair screaming at random, because that is what she does these days. She screams. Ella just spilled her entire bowl. On Bethany. Intentionally.
(Back from cleaning and disciplining!) I wake up every morning with five little girls that are real, sinful, childish children just like any other children in the world. I'm married to a man. An amazing man. A godly man. But still a man, and marriage takes work! There are ups and downs that make my head spin.
Life is not easy. In fact, sometimes it is hard. Really, really hard. Super, DUPER hard. But that is NOT what has had me discouraged.
What has me discouraged is that I can't seem to find a way to let people actually see my heart. Somehow my words are not getting across a genuine picture of who I am, what I believe, and what I think about YOU!
Just because I find joy, peace and fulfillment in a life that would "drive you up a wall", does not mean I'm a fake person who can't see or wont share the "reality of my situation".
Just because I enjoy every day with my five children and hope for more, please don't be waiting for "reality to catch up" to me. Please don't be waiting for me to fail. The truth is, I fail daily. Almost hourly. I need your support and encouragement. I really don't need you searching for my weaknesses.
Just because the way we school, dress, speak, train our kids, have our kids, enjoy our kids may look differently from the way you do things, that does not mean I think less of you, think I'm better than you, or think I have "everything figured out". My heart is in no way to judge you. My desire is to encourage you. I need your encouragement too!
So often I feel trapped in silence. If I share the good in my life, people think I'm a crazy person with no grasp of reality, being fake or trying to rub it in your face that my life is better than yours. If I share the hard stuff going on in my life people think, "See! I knew her world would come crumbling down some day!".
But then there's you. You are the one who leaves the encouraging comment on my post. You are the one who sends me a note just when I need it the most. You are the one who walks along life with me, holding me up, praying for me, knowing that I am just as weak and discouraged as anyone else. I hope you know who you are. There are many of you. And I need you in my life!
Truth is, I'm going to keep on blogging. Just like before. I'm not going to complain or go into bitter diatribes. If that's what you like to read you'll find it elsewhere. When I started this blog I knew that I wanted it be a place where I would stay reminded of the goodness of God. "Grace is Blessed By God" (goofy of a title as it may be!) is a built in reminder to me that I am blessed by my heavenly Father and I want to be a blessing to others around me.
And I'm going to be real. I think I always have been. (My husband tells me maybe I'm too real for my own good!). Please take the time to see me as I am. I'm not looking for readers, comments or popularity. I want to glorify the Lord in all that I do, including my blogging. I'm sure discouragement will set in again, but it wont defeat me. My joy and strength come from the Lord!
I love you all!