To Order and Provide

There is something deep within the caverns of my soul that longs for control.

I want to fix.  I want to order.  I want to solve.

I should be able to fix myself.  I should be able to solve the heartbreaks of those I love.  I should be able to figure out the chaos that seems to bombard this life.  Everyday I feel the stirring deep inside me, my own flesh, wanting to have the answers.  Wanting to be the answer. 

I struggle with peace.  I struggle with surrender.  I yearn for a good battle to fight.  I long to finally fix myself.  This season a physical struggle and oppressive fatigue drives me to want to make myself better.  I should be able to fix this!

What a beautiful thing it is that God knows us.  Knows us deep into our souls.  And He loves to teach us, with kindness and tenderness.  Always He is there, gently guiding.  Gently leading.

He led me to a "new" song the other day.  Really it was a song I've known all my life and yet when I heard it just recently it brought chills to my heart.  I've listened to it maybe a hundred times since then and every time it does the same thing to me.  How desperately I need these words.

Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide

In every change He faithful will provide

Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

 

I need this reminder.  I need every piece of it.  I want it burned into my soul.

 

I don't want to fix.  To order.  To solve.  I want to be still.  To leave to my God.  There my spirit finds peace.  There my soul finds rest.

 



How Can it Be That Esther is Two?

I have admittedly been living in denial.  To me Esther has continued to be our baby regardless of what the calendar says.  We've never had even close to this big of a gap between babies before.  This season of waiting on the Lord has been a beautiful battle of trust.  Meanwhile my "baby" has grown before my very eyes and as much as I couldn't believe it, she turned two the beginning of this month.

Esther breathes life into our home.  She walks into the room and there is a piece in all of our hearts that simply lights up.  She can be quite a challenge.  Her strong will and assertive nature does not make her easy to train or peaceful to be around, but her joy, her sweetness, her unbelievable irrisistability has us all wrapped around her little finger.  She delights us!

She has been a very slow talker but just recently words are popping out left and right.  It is so fun to see her quirky personality expressed through her words.  She is also very obsessive compulsive.  Being rather OCD myself it is hilarious to watch her lining everything up or sorting things by size or pattern.  What a goofball she is!

 

 

 

She's indescribable. 

 

We adore her!

Esther's Day at the Zoo (And the Rest of the Family Too!)

Hello.  My name is Esther.  Mommy said that she has so many different things to catch you up on that she decided to let me take this one. 

 

Last Christmas my Great Aunt Cheryl gave my whole family and my Uncle Peter and Aunt Mary's family tickets to go to the zoo together.  Mommy and Daddy have been saying my whole life that someday we would go to the zoo but this time we finally did!!!

 

 

To be honest, I wasn't terribly impressed when we first got there.  There were crowds of people and I was still pretty tired from the long car ride.  My sisters seemed pretty jazzed about something so I decided to stick it out and see if anything caught my attention.

 

One thing that made me happy was......

 

 

My Anna was there.  She's nearly my favorite person in the entire world.  Truthfully, I'm pretty crazy about everyone who was there with me.  My parents.  My sisters.  Auntie Rachel and Auntie Anna.  Uncle Peter, Auntie Mary and my two hilarious cousins, Caleb and Jonathan.  I decided to give this place a chance.

Daddy and Uncle Peter led us into some strange and mysterious places.  Daddy introduced to some of his friends that I had never met before.

I started really enjoying myself!  Everywhere I turned there was something new to see.  And with a crowd like this to bum around with how could I help but have a blast?

 

We met all sorts of funny friends that day.  I'll just show you a few of our favorites.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As much as we liked all of these funny folks, my sisters and I all agreed that our very favorite animal was Baby Lily!!!  She was sooooo cute!!!

All in all, it turned into a pretty spectacular day.  Spending the day with people I love the most is my favorite thing ever!

I was super duper good and didn't even need a speck of sleep.  Mommy thought I was tired by the end but that wasn't it at all.  My chin just felt extremely heavy.

 

The other  amazing thing about that day was that Daddy seemed to have flown us home in a rocket ship.  The trip home seemed like only a few seconds.

 

 

So, So Fast

I remember the moment I knew I had a daughter.  I remember the look on her face as she was first handed to me.  I remember my tears of joy falling on her wrinkled, red face.  I remember looking at her all over, fingers, nose, chubby little legs, ears.  Everything perfect.  Perfect.  Perfect.

In my mind that moment was just a moment ago.  It's all still there etched in my memory.

Lydia Grace changed my world completely from the moment I saw her.

Last month she turned eight years old.  I still can hardly believe it.  My darling, beautiful daughter brings me such joy.  As beautiful as she is on the outside, it is her inner beauty that staggers me.  Her five year old sister told me the other day "Lydia is such a good sister because she is so patient and kind to us.  She knows how to solve our problems without getting mad."

 

 

 

 

 

Never could I have fathomed the blessing this child would be.  Never could I have dreamed of the joy it would be to watch her grow.  

 

In my heart she will always be my precious baby.  In my life she will always be a gift from God.

 

Get Your Peanuts!

Ladies and Gentlemen, the circus came to town!!!

That's right.  A real life circus came to our little town of 1,500 people!  We had friends visiting from California and it was so fun to walk two blocks and go see the circus. 

There were lions!  There were tigers!

 

 

Unicyclists and ladies spinning from their hair!

 

 

 

There was the brave trapeze artist,

 

 

And the man who could balance on anything!

 

 

Our family favorite was the clowns!  They were funny and adorable!

 

 

 

Living in a small town has it's perks.  Having the circus come to our road is not usually one of them.  That day will go down in history for our girls!

A Slice of Life

This morning started in the best way.  Ella was my only girl to crawl down the stairs at an early hour this morning, and what could be better than trying out the new trampoline first thing in the morning while everyone is still sleeping!

What a breath of fresh air to have a beautiful, lazy morning to enjoy!  As I keep saying, this past month and a half has been one of the busiest seasons of life I remember for a long time.  We have constantly been bouncing from one thing, to the next, to the next.

I thought I would take the next few days to catch up on some of the more major happenings that have been going on around here.  Things probably won't be in order, but at least I'll catch up on just a slice of what life has looked life!

Through the busy times and the slow times, how joyful it is to dwell in the goodness of the Lord!

Remember When....

Today marks five years since my first post on this blog. 

When I sat down the first time and started jotting down some thoughts, never once did it cross my mind that I would still be blogging five years later.

In five years we've had two more daughters.  We gained four sister-in-laws, one brother-in-law and seven nieces and nephews.  We started home schooling. 

In five years my girls have grown.  I don't have three little babies, I have five daughters.  Daughters who make meals, do the laundry, clean the kitchen, take their own showers.

Five years ago I was twenty-two.

Five years goes by in a flash.  Faster than I could have ever imagined.  In five years my marriage has grown, my children have grown and my relationship with the Lord has grown. 

Thanks for sticking with me through these years.  Blogging with you all is such a blessing to me!

In five more years I pray that I will be able to look back and feel as blessed as I do today.